I would be happy if . . .
… if only my boss wasn’t such a jerk.
… if only my co-workers were nicer.
… if only I could find someone to finance my big idea.
… if only I could buy that car (bike, boat, house).
… if only my kids lived closer.
… if only my friends were more supportive.
… if only my parents weren’t so difficult.
… if only I could find my soulmate.
If your happiness depends on others… or on events working out the way you want… you might be waiting a long time.
When you believe the path to happiness depends on others, you have no control.
10 simple things (that don’t depend on anyone or anything but yourself) that you can do anytime to experience happiness.
The only thing you need to do is to pay very close attention as you do it.
1. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
2. Stretch or tighten a muscle and then relax.
3. Look around until you notice something pleasant – a color, a flower, a piece of jewelry someone is wearing – and let you attention stay on it for several seconds.
4. Think of someone you love.
5. Think of someone who is struggle and send a silent wish for them to be happy.
6. Think of something you are grateful for.
7. Think of something that is working out well right now.
8. Sing a song you like (out loud).
9. Smile.
10. Set an intention to be happy.
Happiness is not a constant state. It comes and goes. It flows. So if you start to feel a little sad after you have been feeling happy, don’t resist it. Allow the sadness to arise.
Don’t dwell on it.
Don’t act on it.
Just notice it.
If you allow sadness and other feelings to emerge, they will come and go as well, and it will create space for happiness to return.
What is something simple you can do to experience happiness right now?
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In addition to my regular leadership blog, I offer “Thursday Thoughts” – simple truths that provide an opportunity for reflection and food for thought.
I love this topic and this post. It’s a special reminder of what really matters.
Happiness is so fickle because it depends on circumstances, but joy is accessible any time. Even though you article talks about happiness it’s really about how to be joyful despite the ‘if onlys’ and what’s happening to us. I love your tips here for how to get our joy back when it gets covered up with crud. When my husband lost his job and we chose to sell our house and move to our secluded cabin, I was working from home but had no contact with my family or friends. I started then to keep a list of all the things I was thankful for. Every time I thought of something I wrote it down because I would spend many moments going back to that list and reminding myself that I had much to be thankful for. The way to generate joy is to think of others first, before yourself. If I feel down I go do something for someone else. It can be the smallest effort, but it has huge paybacks as far as my joy (happiness) factor.
Wonderful tips for how to find joy in the midst of a difficult situation. You reminded me of the movie “Happy,” a wonderful documentary. If you haven’t seen it, I think you’d really appreciate it: http://www.thehappymovie.com
I did all 10 things on the list in order…what a wonderful ritual for starting the day! Thank you.
That’s great, Marcia. All 10! What a great idea for a morning ritual. Hope you’re feeling really, really happy!
Thank you, Jesse. A wonderful reminder. To wake up in a bed with my beloved husband, to be able to hear the ocean, to see the clear sky, to hold a cup of coffee, to have special friends whom I can call when I am up or down— ahh the list is endless. And now I will share your post with my world. Happy New Year
That’s the trick – to notice the things you already have and keep your attention on them. Rick Hanson says our brains are wired to be “velcro for negative and teflon for positive,” but we can rewire our brains if we consciously refocus our attention.
Jesse, I love this piece and will practice it. It comes at a good time for me, in fact. It reminds me a bit of a lesson I learned in Tanzania about stillness from an elder of the Hadza tribe. When everything seems ‘too much.’ too confusing, just stop. Hit the pause button. Close your eyes and wait a few moments. Then, whatever come up inside you – whatever that may be – is the right thing for you to do, or follow, next. Clearly, this is a way to tap into the inner wisdom we all possess. In a sense, happiness, as you describe it, is a form of wisdom.
What wonderful advice, Larry. Thanks so much for sharing it here. I will do that next time I’m feeling overwhelmed. Blessings!
Perfect reminder, Jesse, and timely for those of us who reflect at year end. One thing I’ve found helpful is to be sure my bedroom has beautiful things in it that I see first thing in the morning. In front of paintings I love I have a mobile of birds in bright happy colors. I start the day with a happy feeling that way.
A great idea – place things you enjoy looking at in your line of sight for when you wake up in the morning. Thanks for sharing that, Marye Gail.
How cool to come back to this and find added ideas. I have to reprint so I have the full list. Thanks everyone!
The conversations are what brings my posts alive, and often they are more interesting than my original writing. A suggestion: next time you leave a comment, check the box next to “Notify me of replies and additional comments on this post” and you don’t have to return to here catch up on them.
Exercise! Sometimes I have to force myself to do it, but I always feel great afterward.
Good one, James. Actually any kind of movement – dancing works too (especially if you do it where you’re not self-conscious).
Again, …. (broken record, I guess), it’s always our choice as to what WE decide to do. I’d add one more option: Add one new effort that’s meaningful to you and begin it – slowly and carefully to sustain intrinsic motivation necessary to continue the effort! For me, that new effort (after too many failed attempts) is personal fitness!!!
Yes, do something. Taking action after a period of inaction is deeply satisfying. However, as you point out, take the time to make sure it is intentional and meaningful. Continual action without reflection is a subtle way of numbing ourselves out. Thanks for adding to the conversation, John.
I read many books from Dale Carnegie , Norman Vincent Peale, Stephen Covey , etc but your one sentence made me inspired most “Set an intention to be happy”.
Delighted to hear that! 🙂