Did you ever wake up, look in the mirror and ask yourself, “How did I get off-track?”
My client Sam, head of buying for a large retail company, recently confided to me, “I’m working way too hard and spending too much time doing things I don’t enjoy. When I first started out, buying was a lot of fun. You’d think that now, after all these promotions and recognition, as a senior leader, I’d feel pretty satisfied. The truth is, what I’m doing now, doesn’t line up with how I want to be living my life. And frankly I don’t know how I got here.”
Sam deserves a lot of credit for admitting this. It takes courage to consider the relationship between your hopes and dreams and your reality, because you might have to do something about it.
With all the best intentions, we start down a path, thinking we know where we’re going, and at some point look around and realize we don’t know where we are.
Why do we get off track?
A huge, fast external shift
Sometimes we are thrown off track because of a sudden change in our world such as an earthquake, hurricane or an illness.
My colleague Anthony had just started his own business when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. Realizing he needed to be able to devote more attention to take care of his wife and children during this period, he put his new business on hold and return to his previous job. Years later, long after his wife had returned to full health, he was still with the same company. The momentum of life had propelled him forward and had replaced his original dreams.
Boiled frogs
Sometimes you know you’re off course, but it’s only a little bit so you ignore it.
The longer my friend Barbara worked for her company, the more aware she became of policies that made her uncomfortable. First she discovered they collected information on customers without their knowledge, and she rationalized it. Then she discovered a few more things about the way the treated customers, and again rationalized it. After a few years, she realized the entire atmosphere in the company was oppressive.
It had happened so gradually, she had not recognized she was in hot water – the same way you boil frogs. If you put a frog in a pot of hot water, it will jump out. But if you put it in a pot of cold water and turn on the heat, the water warms up so gradually that the frog just goes to sleep and doesn’t notice that the water is getting hotter and hotter.
Automatic pilot
Sometimes we start out with clarity and then a certain momentum takes over and we just stop paying attention. We stop being intentional about our choices. When that happens, we have actually turned the reins over to someone else because we have lost our connection with our own desires.
Never had a sense of direction
Sometimes we find we’re off course because we never had a clear course in the first place. We just wake up one day feeling like things aren’t right and have no idea why.
The early warning signs
How do you know the water’s heating up? How far off course we get is often determined by how quickly we recognize we’re off.
It would be helpful if we could determine the early warning signs so we could get back on track more quickly.
What do you think they are?
I’d love to hear what you think.
yes ,This is something we all go through at one point or other time.
While we trudge our way through in personal and career front, we often tend to compromise to achieve things ,meet deadlines only to find a huge gap between what we aspire and attained.
Well done keep it up
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sudha. I agree we all go through this in ways large and small. Compromises are necessary. But when we stop paying attention, sometimes they can add up to a larger gap than we anticipated.
Hi Jesse, you have put this so nicely into words.
It is so important to stay tuned in what one want to accomplish in life. A clear focus, a clear plan and checking constantly that one is in the right direction are important things. Times go by easily, life always intereferes and before we know it, we look back in regret. That is waste of time, talent and opportunities.
This is difficult to do and terefore even more important to take a look at. We all have a choice and the choice one makes determines one’s reality. It is so powerful to dare and to risk in stead of living on the automatic pilot. Life can be wonderful and challenging; it is what you consiously do with the choices one has.
I am looking forward to read your next blog.
Best,
Caroline
Hi Caroline, Well said: “We all have a choice and the choice one makes determines one’s reality.” And as you point out, the most important choice is to live consciously and not on automatic pilot. I appreciate your taking the time to comment. Warmly, Jesse
Jesse, What a thought-provoking post this has been for me! When I look at all the possibilities you outline for why we can so often veer away from our intended destination, I must admit that, to greater or lesser degrees I identify with all of them. At one time or another, I have been the boiled frog; I have had no idea what to do next; and I have switched on the automatic pilot. Currently, I am working my way through the effects of what you have described as an “external shift”.
Reflecting on each of these times, I have eventually been able to discover the benefits of being there (and here) because it leads me to think more deeply and to act with greater purpose. So, to me, the question, “How did I get off track?” has less meaning than being conscious of where I am right now and asking, “What is here? “ and “What will I do with it?”
Thanks for giving me this “thinking” opportunity. I’m so glad you took up blogging! 🙂
Gwyn, Thanks for sharing your experience of getting off track, and also for sharing your thoughts on the value of looking at where you are in relation to where (or who) you want to be. Rather than beating ourselves up for having missed the mark, it’s much better to refocus our sights and move forward with clarity. Thanks also for your kind words about my blogging. Warmly, Jesse
Thanks Jesse for a great post. It was like I saw myself in several parts of what you wrote. I have encountered many parts of what you described in my career.
Thank you,
Patricia Knight
http://patriciaknight.wordpress.com/
Glad you enjoyed my post, Patricia. Thanks for taking the time to comment. My best, Jesse
I don’t know if this is an early warning sign, in fact, the water may have already boiled my legs, but I know that yesterday I had planned to work in my studio and start my income tax. At 3:45 (we were due at a party at 4), I was still on the computer working on pictures and tracking down some good, but not essential, information about my camera. I looked up and thought, “God, I really am addicted to this thing,” and here I am on it now writing you.
Hi Peggy, Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful example of how we sometimes become boiled frogs with our eyes half-open. A common experience for us all. It seems to me the challenge is to not only be aware of what’s happening, but to also to test it against where we want to be. When we connect with our heart’s desire, it becomes easier to jump out of the pot, or in your case, shut down the computer. Curious what you think.
Hi Jesse.I like this post. As we are growing up, we have to admit that there is a gap between our dream and reality. Althouth it hurts, we have to face it. Many people once struggled, but finally they give up, since there are too many other things need us to care about and we have to live. So I think in this situation, we need have a positive mind and try the best to enjoy it. If we are not satified with the current job, change a job or try to enjoy the current one.
Hi Meng, I think that coming to terms with the discrepancy between our initial hopes and the reality of our lives is something we all need to face. We have a few choices on how we deal with that. Although many people give up, not everyone does. Some people find a way to live a life aligned with their fundamental values although the outward form might be different from what they initially imagined. Living one’s lIfe from this orientation is not always easy, nor is it always enjoyable, but I do believe it’s the only way possible to live a truly satisfying life.
Great post!
Excelent for a life planning work!!!
Greetings from Mexico!!!
Muchas gracias, Carlos.