The recent US elections might have been the most contentious ever. And strong feelings continue to abound. Even though the elections are over, many people are deeply worried about what will happen next. Each side was very concerned about what would happen if their candidate did not win. And now, half the voting population must deal with the impact of a president they did not want. As the president-elect makes decisions, strong feelings are likely to arise and possibly creep into your work conversations.
Are politics an elephant in the room?
Many people believe that it’s not a good idea to talk about politics at work. It is not necessary for work accomplishment, and they don’t want to risk getting into an irresolvable conflict that might undermine working relationships.
Others believe that since you spend the majority of your waking hours with your colleagues, it’s natural to want to discuss your thoughts and feelings with them. And since strong views are already present, trying to ignore them is like ignoring an elephant in the room.
Joseph Grenny, coauthor of Crucial Conversations, says that “learning to discuss politics productively can help you learn to manage other difficult conversations at work, including peer performance reviews or disagreements over strategy and policy.”
Whether to talk about politics at work is a personal choice that depends on many factors. But if you do decide you want to, these tips will help your conversations be more productive.
1. Don’t assume everyone shares your views.
Just because someone is not arguing with you does not mean they agree with you. One of the things the surprising election results shows is that what people say and what they really believe are not always the same. People may espouse a different view because they don’t feel comfortable sharing their real ones.
2. Create space and make it safe for people to have a different view than yours.
Set aside your desire to persuade others to change their views and instead listen with curiosity. Focus on developing a better understanding of their perspectives and their underlying hopes, fears, and values.
3. Consider their perspective objectively.
Is there any part you can relate to? You don’t have to agree, but can you understand why they hold that view? Are there any common concerns that you share?
4. Pause before you respond.
If you want someone to hear you, you must be willing to hear them. People are more likely to listen to you when they feel they have been heard. If what they said makes you angry, take a deep breath. Can you step out of the emotionality and respond from a rational place? If not, you might need to continue the conversation later.
5. Share your own personal concerns.
Speak for yourself, not others. Describe how you are affected by the situation. Share what you have observed. Be descriptive, not evaluative. Share information, not simply opinions. Avoid generalities and superlatives like everyone and always. Stay grounded. Remember what is most important and focus on that.
6. Know when to stop.
If communication has stalled or if you’re going in circles, repeating yourselves, it’s time to stop the conversation. End it with appreciation for the honesty that has been expressed and the intent to connect.
Essential Partners says the workplace can be tricky for conversations across political differences. Civility and caution should be a priority. Think of people with different views as a resource rather than roadblock – it’s an opportunity to learn from them about how other people think and experience the world. They offer these guidelines for workplace conversations:
| Don’t: | Do: |
| Tell them they are wrong | Ask them what value led them there |
| Ask how they could ever believe something | Ask when that belief first started for them |
| Interrupt people | Give a moment to make sure they are done |
| Say “yeah, but, what about…” | Try “Huh, interesting, tell me more…” |
| Assume you know their motives | Ask about their goals and hopes |
| Blame them for your anger or frustration | Explain your frustration and take responsibility for it |
Thank you Jesse. It is time to start having these conversations.
Indeed. And not only at work. Many families are struggling as well.
Jesse – Thank you for sharing this! Yesterday I hosted 28 ladies from a variety of nations, races and religions at a Conversation Safari in the expat sandbox. Our topic was fear and anger, and of course the recent election was a huge part of the discussion.
Each participant wanted to be listened to, but they also listened deeply to each other. The room was filled with compassion and a genuine desire to understand instead of trying to convince someone else that they were right.
After an hour of small groups discussing what each one fears, what is making them angry and offering alternate perspectives… Our photographers eyes were watering and she whispered to me that she no longer feels alone – and that the next time we do this she wants to be a participant instead of the photographer!
(As I opened the day – I shared how Conversation Safari’s came to be, and I thought of you and remembered the first time I shared my dream “out loud” on your blog. Throughout the day I thought of you. Thank you for being a part of the journey to making the dream a reality. Pictures to come soon! https://seapointcenter.com/polarization-and-collaboration/)
Powerful and inspiring. Thank you for your detailed picture of your event. It shows how to hold such a conversation and the benefit. You are doing great work, Chery. Thank you for sharing it here.
Nice, Chery! You’re a trailblazer! It’s great that you have the wisdom, knowledge, and courage to act.
The issue is that politics impacts on work. If you work in a company that trades international, acting as if Mr Trump talking about leaving NAFTA or the fallout from Brexit won’t have an impact is at best naive. Your customers and suppliers will be thinking about the impact of things like this on how they trade with you. Can you afford not to?
Good point, Mitch. And for pointing to the need for conversations with people from other countries, who also are affected by the US elections and often have strong opinions.
Jesse, everything you wrote is brilliant, on-target and timely. Last week, a “colleague” just blasted me, saying all media was controlled by the Democrats, that NPR was a Democrat mouthpiece, that he came into the US and became a citizen and so should everyone else. Note that he is a wealthy white male who came from Canada.I have been so upset by his tirade that I have not responded, and he is definitely off my friend list. I believe when I can breathe and reread what you have wrote, perhaps I can then respond.
But one thing of note: these interactions take a ton of emotional energy. I think I/ we have to decide if it is worth it and if he/they are worth it.
Thanks for raising this question, Eileen. I want to be VERY clear – I am not suggesting that you should have discussions with everyone. A couple of things to consider are how important the person is to you and also their willingness to engage in conversation. Some people are so trapped in negativity that they can only spew hatred, and you don’t need to be the target of their tirade. On the other hand, sometimes people can surprise us when they feel heard. The decision whether to engage in conversation is a personal one. Good luck, Eileen.
All good points, Jesse. Thank you for sharing these ideas of what we might try. Yes – it is possible to have civil and even inspiring conversations that include strong differences of opinion and weak skills in doing so. You stated the key at the outset. We have to WANT TO and INSIST that we DESIRE, “learning to discuss politics productively”. Unless we want to do this and open our minds, ears, and hearts before we open our mouths, we are left with the fallout of the converse.
Indeed. Civil discourse when feelings are running high is difficult. In those situations, it works best when the intent for real conversation is shared and there is agreement on the ground rules.
Great ideas Jesse. These conversations are soooo difficult to have.
Thanks for sharing.
So difficult and so important. Hoping these tools can help. So glad you appreciated them, Calla.
Jesse, these leading ideas you are sharing with us are setting up an enhancing environment for everyone involved, whether one is observing a conversation or talking about politics. Personally, you have convinced me that when done it right, a little bit of politics is Okay. After all, we are all here on earth living together. Thanks a lot for sharing.
So glad to hear that, Paulo. Sharing these guidelines with the person you talk with can set the stage for real dialogue. Remember the goal is to understand, not to convince.
Thank you Jesse for presenting these tools. I have two friends whom I have strong feelings about. One voted for Trump and the other for Jill Stein. I live in Florida, so every vote was so very important. I have been holding off talking about the election because my strong feelings of despair and anger towards them get in the way. I feel more confident now to broach the subject, but I have a lot of reservations….I hope I can internalize your advice and be ready one of these days! I think that dialogue is important here and nationally. A lot of confusion went down and muddied the atmosphere between people…and needs clearing before we can make progress.
There are a lot of strong feelings, especially among family members and good friends. I think it’s a taste of what some families experienced during the Civil War when one went to fight for the North and another for the South. These guidelines can only work when both people agree that the goal is to understand, not persuade, and there is a desire to discover whether there is common ground. Remember guideline #6, and good luck!
Once again, Jesse, you’ve tackled a critically important, complex and emotionally-charged issue with such grace, eloquence, and insight. This post is a beautiful reminder of what we need to shift within ourselves and in our communication approach if we’re ever to heal the great divide that separates us from so many right now. Thank you!
Thanks so much for weighing in, Kathy! I believe there are many who are tired of the divisiveness and want to reach across the divide. These guidelines are for them.
Jesse – I am coming acrosss deep divisions amongst colleagues and even families split along partisan lines. Thank you for some helpful insights.
Thanks for your observations from Belgium, Dorothy. Clearly divisions are occurring in other countries besides the US and are likely to get more intense. Hope lies with the good folks who desire to reach across those divisions for dialogue and understanding.
I think it boils down to this if your intention is to UNDERSTAND another political viewpoint and uncover any common ground, then your 6 tips will help you to have civil conversations that may reveal new possibilities.
If your intention is to steadfastly CONVINCE someone why their views are misguided and that yours are correct, then I’d say keep it to yourself!
Absolutely! An excellent explanation of what I was trying to get at in tip #2. Much thanks for deepening the conversation, Eileen.