Guest post by Eileen McDargh
If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that at some point this year, you will need to be resilient – whether pushed by pain or pulled by possibilities.
Resiliency has become an important life skill. So why wait until you’re in a stressful situation to develop resiliency?
Instead, become PREsilient ™ – develop the ability to be resilient before you are tested.
Here are four things you can do to cultivate resiliency and build the muscles you will need now:
1. Develop an attitude of intelligent optimism.
Nothing drains you mentally and physically more than negativity. Intelligent optimism is the practice of finding what is right in a situation instead of focusing on what is wrong. Developing optimism is hard work. Brain science has shown we are hardwired for negative thinking. But it’s worth the effort because research also shows that a focus on positivity enhances your mental functioning and sense of well-being. Rick Hanson says our brains are “teflon for positive and velcro for negative.”
Try this: when you notice something attractive or pleasant, instead of quickly moving on, extend your attention on it for 45 to 60 seconds. If you do that six times a day, you will begin to rewire your basic attitude. Also, consider teaming up with a “resiliency partner” where you can support each other by gently pointing out opportunities to focus on what’s positive instead of what’s negative.
2. Create a real support network.
A support network is not comprised of “yes folks” who are always cheering you on, but rather people who care enough to be honest with you. They will challenge you when you are off-base, will offer critical insights, and will also bring you food, watch your kids, and offer a shoulder.
Support networks take time to grow and must be nurtured as carefully as a newly planted garden. They depend on developing strong personal relationships.
Consider what happened to Mary, the vice president of marketing in a global company, who focused only on results and not connecting with people. Relationships took a backseat in her “get-the-job-done-take-no prisoners” mindset. That worked until a new CEO took over. Then there was no one to speak in Mary’s favor as the CEO looked for someone else to fill her role. Ouch! Too late.
3. Exercise regularly.
Times of challenge or opportunity demand energy resources. It’s too late to build up reserves of muscle, blood and bone if you have been neglecting your body. Firefighters have gym equipment in the firehouse and practice a steady regimen to improve their strength so they are READY when called into action.
You are no different. As Baden Powell, founder of the Boy Scouts said of their “be prepared” motto: “the meaning of the motto is that a scout must prepare himself by previous thinking out and practicing how to act on any accident or emergency so that he is never taken by surprise.” Sounds like presilience to me!
4. Say thank you every day.
Gratitude is Miracle-Gro for resiliency. Try ending each day with writing down three things for which you are grateful. The germ of optimism sprouts and you reinforce your sense of self-worth. Some days, you might simply be grateful that the day is over and you are still standing. Other days, you might be grateful for a wonderful new idea, a rewarding client interaction, or a great meal.
Eileen McDargh is the founder and CEO (Chief Energy Officer) of The Resiliency Group and McDargh Communications. Helping organizations and individuals energize the life of their business and the business of their life Eileen is an award winning speaker and consultant to major organizations ranging from global pharmaceuticals to the US Armed Forces, from health care associations to religious institutions. Author of six books, her newest book, Your Resiliency GPS: A Guide for Growing Through Life & Work has been met with high acclaim as an organizational resource. You can follow Eileen on Twitter @MacDarling and find her on Facebook and LinkedIn.
A note from Jesse: This week celebrates the launch of Your Resiliency GPS: A Guide for Growing Through Life & Work. This is a wonderful book filled with practical suggestions and insights in how to build this important skill. I used to think that you’re either born with resiliency or you’re not. Eileen shows that resiliency can be cultivated and teaches you how. It is beautifully written and a pleasure to read. I should know, I’ve read it three times! Each time, I find new gems of wisdom and helpful advice. A great book to start the new year. Or better yet, team up with a “resiliency partner” and read it together!
One of my “Ten Lessons Learned in a Fifty-Year Career” is: Attend to matters of your spirit, your psyche, your soul, and make frequent deposits in your “spiritual” bank account. The reason I say that is that there will be days when you will need to make a withdrawal. It’s akin to resiliency!
Gary, I love your idea of deposits in a spiritual bank account. Indeed,it is that wellspring that fills you up when your energy is drained!
My best practices to stay resilient include enough sleeping, enough breaks and a very quiet morning routine. When I get up and take my minutes to focus and meditate, I always have high levels of energy through the day. When I get up late and directly rush into the day, the stressed start persists until the end of the day…
Agree that stress stretches our mental and physical resources. Mindfulness is becoming more and more visible and useful in business circles. Like you, I set a timer for 20 minutes every morning for quiet and breathing. When it doesn’t happen, i am indeed fractured.
Great post, Eileen! I especially appreciate your description of what a real support network looks like. We usually think of support as people who are positive, not who challenge you. You post pushed me to consider how those two things are not mutually exclusive. I think I need more people in my life who positively challenge me.
Me too! I find that having friends who are “critical lovers” is far more supportive than those who are just the lovers or the criticizers. Thanks for underlining that point
this is a wonderful article – thank you for sharing. You’ve answered something I’ve been wondering about for a long time which is the feeling that we are naturally wired to focus on the negative. What I love more is that you offer a solution – my inner Polyanna will welcome this challenge and I’m going to suggest my inner critic becomes an inner life coach instead!
Something I’ve done with my daughter since she was four is to end our day with a simple question: “what’s been the best part of your day?” It’s a wonderful opportunity to stop and smell the roses and give some gratitude for all that’s good. So perhaps in my own way I’ve been on the presilience road a little 🙂
Sounds like your inner critic could respond to your daughter with what was the BEST part of your day. Love that thought. Thanks for writing, Rachelle
Great article. You book looks interesting. I’m going to go ahead and buy a copy now and if I win a free copy, I’ll share it.
Thank you so much, Bob. I’d love to hear your comments. It is very generous of you 🙂 Thanks
Thank you for sharing this article with us Eileen. I’m a big advocate of ‘the gift of feedback’ which touches on both points 2 & 4 in your list. Being known as someone who regularly offers encouragement & shaping advice, but also, as one who is willing to receive feedback helps to build trust within relationships & also fine tunes the antenna to be aware of challenges & opportunities on the horizon. Resilience is a muscle which requires regular exercise in order to grow; exposure to smaller challenges can be a great way to ‘get in shape’ ready for bigger challenges up ahead.
Thank you once again & I look forward to reading more,
Alex
We are on the same page: resilience is a MUSCLE that must be used regularly. You are so wise in this. Thanks for reinforcing the concepts. I love the notion of “muscle”
Thank you Eileen.
Greetings from sunny Wales, UK :o)
Back at you from Sunny California
Eileen,
I am working on all four things you mentioned. Loved the reminders, got new ideas and will remember the quotes. Nobody gives a “pep talk.” like you do. I am inspired to make progress in all four items.
Jeannie
You do make me smile. Thanks Jeannie. Happy New Year!
I circulated this excellent, incisive post extensively today. Can’t wait for the book! I especially appreciate the proactive, “presilent” approach. Thank you, Eileen, and hello, Jesse!
Lucie, you are a dear to circulate the post. Thank you so much! The book is alive and well on Amazon as well as on my web site. YEAH!!!
I found very first technique impressive, where it says delay my anxiety for 30-60 seconds. I can reflect very well, many decisions I have taken in past where anxiety runs very high, without understanding consequences, and I paid heavy penalty. This could be a finance or spoiling the relationships.
Thanks a lot. God bless you.
I can be whirling dervish at times–moving far too fast and making mistakes. This is a lesson I am constantly having to practice. Thanks for writing. God bless you, too:)
Can’t wait to read this book. I have been ending my days with a grateful list for a few months, and it has changed my life for the better. Strive to find something good in everything .
I hope you find much to be grateful for when you read the book. Do let me know. I will watch for a review on Amazon.
Great article. I’ve been trying to develop resilency by changing my morning routine, meditating, reading some uplifting book, and repeating to myself, on my way to work, the things I am grateful for.
Sounds like you are being PREsilient! Good for you.
My purpose in life is … “To lead my kids by a good example of a father to be followed”
I’ve been asking my kids to write in their diaries before they sleep about what they are greatful about and what challenges they faced that they got out with lessons learned but now I noticed I don’t really do that to give them a reason to follow me 🙂
I will definitely put this last advice of yours in my 2015 resolutions 🙂
Thanks for the great article Eileen.
Regards,
Khalid
Thanks Khalid. I believe we teach what we need to learn. At least that’s what I have observed for myself. What would be interesting would be to ASK your children before they go to bed, what was the best thing that happened to them that day that they are grateful for and then share YOUR best thing. Could be a fascinating and instructive conversation.
Eileen,
Thank you for the great article. I especially like the story about Mary the VP. In todays business world we are so focussed on “Getting it done” we forget about the relationships. We get things done through people so what better way than to build relationships that help each of us win.
Woody
Agree,Woody. I have witnessed very talented, experienced professionals lose jobs because they had plenty of technical skills but no people skills. That’s probably what keeps folks like Jesse and me in business. 🙂
Eileen and Jesse,
Thanks for sharing this post. My eyes are wide open to the idea of Presilience! I am hoping to win the free copy of the book but will be sure to buy one if I don’t. Resilience is core to success at work and I touch on it in my book too (Flying without a Helicopter: How to Prepare Young People for Work and Life). I am just about to share your post with my followers because it is so relevant.
Joanie
P.S. Presilience sounds like a great New Years Resolution!
Thanks, Joanie. I think your new book is a critical, early presilience tool for teachers and parents. Like the new year resolution, too. Thanks for writing.
Ellen,
A conversation yesterday with a parent of three children confirms your emphasis on the importance of resiliency as a life skill. Now, let’s find a way to help kids of all ages develop and acquire this trait of PRESILIENCE, before they need it. Creative teachers can find ways to integrate this into their curriculum. Thanks!
Thanks, Gary! You are spot on. May I recommend that you read Joanie Connell’s new book: Flying without a Helicopter: How to Prepare Young People for Life & Work. It speaks exactly to your point. Kids need to learn how to respond to rejection, “failures” (which indeed are teaching moments), etc.in order to grow through life. While I would LOVE for you to buy my book, if you are on a limited budget, get Joanie’s.
We’re responsible and accepting that rhymes with growing resilience. The new science shows that we can rewire our brains. Thanks for telling us about how the 45-60 second pauses to concentrate on positive events works towards doing just that.
Love the thought of rewiring our brains.There are times my brain goes hay wire:) Thanks for writing.
PREsilience! Nice!
Gil, I went to your web site. Valuable work you are doing and my concept of presilience fits in perfectly. Are you familiar with The Resilience Dividend by Judith Rodin?
great tips! I’m going to translate them and spread them at work if it’s ok? One devise I try to live by is “Don’t let the things you can’t do disturb the things you can do”. First said by the legendary basketball coach John Wooden.
A variation of Wooden’s quote that a friend shared with me: “Don’t cry for something that won’t cry for you.” Please contact Jesse to get information on her translation and reprint guidelines.
Have a great weekend.